The blog author was the sole witness to a despicable crime this evening. The victim, in the below right photo was a long standing member of the Karupu Kaakka Kudumbam Gang (K3G). His short devious dark life of crime was brutally ended by a rival gang member of Nandri-illa Nais Nexus (NNNs) – shown in an earlier file photo (left) from our archives.
The victim was talking a leisurely post dinner walk in the garden when he was murdered in hot blood(it is still summer here remember!) by the accused who was granted his nightly parole (from his chains for his nightly business) just a few minutes earlier. If you look closely the dead K3G is seen in the background on a high perch aiming at a poor defenseless automobile while his murderer relaxes on the foreground.
Murder Accused relaxing - Primary Victim in background and another victim in background sulking under sheets.
Though one key gang member has been put to rest tonight the attacks still continue and will continue on without end.
I mention attacks on poor helpless Automobiles in their own homes.
On a daily basis cars in India have to deal with attacks not just on the road while on the move but also at home when at rest from the following attackers:
Kids – Cycle handle bars, bats,chalk, pens, stones, sticks etc find cars surfaces very irresistible and feel the need to produce artworks on shiny cars. Car grilles/number plates also are a good alternative to putting up stumps for playing cricket. Headlamps/tail lamps are the bails – you knock one of them out – you get a wicket !
Family Members – borrow the car and returning it all scratched up – without ever leaving the parking lot/compound !
Pets/Stray Animals/Reptiles/Rodents/Insects – Cars are made of material found to be very comforting to these. They feel they have to be in constant touch with them, bite/pee/sit/shit on them, scratch them, get into them to prepare to meet their maker, give your reminders to ensure you to re-do the wiring system/buy new car covers/do periodic repaints/interior cleaning), clog up A/C vents to make sure you have to clean the whole system. I once have given a lift to a Frog on my Swift. It rode on my car’s A-pillar and kept peering in through the glass at me for around 2 km. It hopped off finally when a bus passed me and scared it ! (True Story – I swear)
NNN Vs RR - 2008
NNN Vs RR - 2009
The photos to the left are the scars from gang fights between the Rebellious Ratberts and the NNNs in 2008. The car cover that was in the way of the fighting, suffered extensive injuries – but was given first aid and lived for a year with multiple hospital visits requiring stitches.
The other photo is from January 2009 when a repeat fight broke out between the RRRs and the NNNs. This time however the car cover had received grevious injuries and no amount of needle+thread first aid and DTR(duct tape repair) could save it.
Trees – Coconut trees are the most dangerous – they can aim coconuts at cars even up to 20 feet away from them. Any tree that has falling fruit/twigs/branches has to have sign boards next to them warning about them and their violence against cars. Laws of nature/ gravity/ biology/ chemistry and physics are bent by trees to fling fruit/nuts/ branches/ birds at cars). If they cannot throw something then they will make sure they drip a decent sized amount of tree sap on car parts that will be very obviously visible such as the center of the bonnet etc. (ensuring a repaint/polish is required).
Movable Objects – Gates, doors and anything that can swing, will and shall swing out and strike the closest car. Wind is not a requirement for this phenomenon. A mild sneeze will suffice. Actually a thought of sneezing will be enough.
Immovable Objects – Cars are fatally attracted towards immovable objects such as walls, pillars, posts etc at speeds so slow(tending towards zero) that just expensive paint scraping and body denting occurs. I theorize that Buildings have evolved from Trees especially coconut trees – since they also exhibit similar aim and strength of throws. The only difference is that buildings throw pieces of concrete, bricks, tiles etc at poor unsuspecting automobiles. If they cannot throw items similar to what I mentioned they usually drip A/C water or other similar corrosive liquid on the car. Then they act like they are just some building that can do no harm ! Balconies are the evolutionary equivalent of tree branches and are used by humans instead of birds as shooting ranges from which to practise their aim – at cars of course.
Neighbors– These people can be jealous, stupid, egotistical, insane, funny and mean all at the same time and go all out to make sure your vehicle has at least one scratch more than their 30 year old rust and rabies ridden excuses for automobiles. These are the ones that feed stray dogs/crows/beggars on your car bonnet/roof and also teach poor illiterate children to read and write on your car ! The sad part is your car is probably the cheapest vehicle money can buy – but still they could be jealous.
House Help: People who look like they have brains in all other situations will always choose to remove them before they work near your car. Excuses such as “I didn’t know paint thinner would remove the entire coating of paint – I just thought I would remove the tree sap” become very common. Any equipment they use for cleaning the yard will invariably fly towards the car and gently remove a small layer of paint. Just a small amount enough to be visible.
Other cars/vehicles: They get amorous when they see a curvaceous beauty like a red Suzuki Swift and feel they need to get close to her and cuddle up and nuzzle against her with disastrous results. Common excuses mentioned by the drivers are things like – I forgot to put the handbrake on – we should be aware of the real reason.
Rust: Those staying near the coastline must experience new cars rusting withing weeks of purchase. No solution for them other than to keep buying new cars or to hold off on that replacement purchase till an all plastic car comes about. Invest in rust proof paint company futures. Those of you who refuse to drive your cars from time to time deserve to get a nice rust full car. At-least start it once in a while !
One of my earlier posts was 10 Reasons to leave your car at home
. Even though it makes sense in some scenarios to leave your car at home, it is never advisable to leave your car at home without supervision for extended periods of time. Do check on your vehicle from time to time as it is constantly under attack.